Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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