I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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