so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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