There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Still dying that you shit outside
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
