No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I forget how to act sober
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
