True but thats because hes a fetus.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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