Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We talked him into tasing himself.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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