So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
