Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
