he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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