I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
