im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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