She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His nipple licking is glorious
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