i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
