You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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