I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
