If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I AM VODKA MAN
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
don't judge my taste in strippers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
