She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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