Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
