Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
