I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
