I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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