I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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