What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
