So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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