sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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