Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
