I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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