I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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