after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
