At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
