So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
