taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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