I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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