after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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