I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm bleeding and have questions
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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