pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
