I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
