You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
