i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
