I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
