I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
