dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
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I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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