I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
