i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
