So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
