I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
