he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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