in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
