Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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