I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
