how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's blow job season.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
