Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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