I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
