I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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