A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
be right there i have to get my cape
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
