She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
