Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
