what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
