My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
