Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
