i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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