Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
