My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
