Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
