Just fell off a train. Bad.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
