Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish there were birth control emojis
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
