so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
