Having a random hookup so left but love u
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
