eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the day after is always just damage control
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
