how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
