She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The best revenge is premature balding
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
