I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
