I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
