how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
