our cab driver is having phone sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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