You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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