Soap is not a condiment
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
