my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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