sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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