ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize