Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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