If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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