I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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