I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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