Who did Billy Mays play for?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
