you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
